Being able to communicate with anyone open and freely without being criticized seems to be the most centered position for a lot of our issues in life. We are afraid to conquer those silent demons that we hold back until in one moment they come out in a shouting match. Holding your feelings inside without expressing them will keep you in a dark plac...e for a long time. Especially if those feelings are towards someone else. You are walking around with thoughts and feelings that you are fearful of saying out loud but behind closed doors you secretly express these feelings with someone other than the person they are meant to be expressed too. How convenient? How helpful that is? You have gained agreement with someone else, bringing them to your side call it a grudge within a circle. All the while you haven't been man and or woman enough to talk to the person about how you feel.
Growing up I had no one to talk to. I thought that openly expressing myself through my writings, keeping a daily journal would help me release some of the stresses in my life. Now as an adult and being a mom, I wonder if all of those bottled up feelings doesn't somehow come out through other ways that has led to a form of resentment on my end overwhelming my daughter. Forcing her to express herself through enraged emotions in order to feel like she's being heard. Regardless if you feel as if you are doing everything you possibly can to be a good parent, the observer - your child, children may see you totally different. As a parent could we take that criticism with a positive approach?
In my circle of relationships, I can admit that I tend to have a fiery passion to want to debate through expressing my feelings. Not listening, over talking, and shutting down are all character traits I have. These are also the same traits of my daughter, not a good combo. When two people share the same personality the end result- someone will feel unappreciated, and unheard. Such as my daughter. I never wanted to be the type of parent whom would raise a child, based on the traditional sense of you do it this way because I told you so, don't ask questions, you need to be seen not heard. I hated this when growing up because it immediately made me feel that I didn't have a voice. And I needed to shout out my feelings. So I didn't want this for my child and or the children I would raise. I wanted to go into this relationship, being the type of mom that my daughter could be free to discuss her issues with. To not be fearful to tell me the most important issues she deals with that would affect her as well as our relationship. So I openly discussed everything that went on with me, from childhood to current issues I have now. Mistake on my part?, maybe maybe not. The only mistake would be that we wouldn't be able to move on and grow from our experiences.
One of our complex issues which I swept under a rug a long time ago was the absence of my daughter having a father. I mean she has my granddad my brother but these aren't the men that has made the type of impact on her life as would a positive father figure. For my relationships with the men in my life aren't as strong and my daughter has witnessed the constant tear in those relationships such as the instability. I didn't realize that her expressions of how she felt about her father were hidden behind the words of "I don't care, I don't think about it, etc..." As a young woman I can only imagine how you would feel growing up and not being accepted by the man who helped make you and to know of this would devastate any young girl. I can put myself in her shoes and feel the despair and I know that if she doesn't seek counseling for her pain, her anger, her disappointment she will live a life of having problems with every man she meets in her adult life.
For the last few years or so this was approaching, in the beginning I was blinded by it but now its clear and even though I can reassure her that she can talk to me, I can't hold promise that being the imperfect person I can sometimes be won't backfire on her coming to me about her problems and being able to respond to her the way she wants me too. My faults has been to have consumed all of my life activities around my daughter. Being to close where I couldn't step away. Living with my sister for as long as I did was another fault, one can't be a parent with others being involved that doesn't necessarily share in some of the same parenting beliefs that you do. Stopping my life as far as dating because of my own past and not allowing myself to date long term whereas she could have been raised in a "normal" family setting so she calls it. "We aren't normal" she says. The shock slaps me in my face. So this is it, this is why you are so angry, on top of you thinking I don't hear you, your older aunt likes your youngest aunt more than you. So these are just some of the bottled up feelings you have been carrying around with you, and I wonder for how long and then think does it matter? I just need to get to repairing this relationship. Relocating to a different city, state so no outside influence would be a factor was my first thought of choice, which I am working on at this very moment TRANSFER please! Who knows this may assist with all that has transpired- regardless I have to do whatever it takes. I am a parent, her mother so its my job.
Growing up I had no one to talk to. I thought that openly expressing myself through my writings, keeping a daily journal would help me release some of the stresses in my life. Now as an adult and being a mom, I wonder if all of those bottled up feelings doesn't somehow come out through other ways that has led to a form of resentment on my end overwhelming my daughter. Forcing her to express herself through enraged emotions in order to feel like she's being heard. Regardless if you feel as if you are doing everything you possibly can to be a good parent, the observer - your child, children may see you totally different. As a parent could we take that criticism with a positive approach?
In my circle of relationships, I can admit that I tend to have a fiery passion to want to debate through expressing my feelings. Not listening, over talking, and shutting down are all character traits I have. These are also the same traits of my daughter, not a good combo. When two people share the same personality the end result- someone will feel unappreciated, and unheard. Such as my daughter. I never wanted to be the type of parent whom would raise a child, based on the traditional sense of you do it this way because I told you so, don't ask questions, you need to be seen not heard. I hated this when growing up because it immediately made me feel that I didn't have a voice. And I needed to shout out my feelings. So I didn't want this for my child and or the children I would raise. I wanted to go into this relationship, being the type of mom that my daughter could be free to discuss her issues with. To not be fearful to tell me the most important issues she deals with that would affect her as well as our relationship. So I openly discussed everything that went on with me, from childhood to current issues I have now. Mistake on my part?, maybe maybe not. The only mistake would be that we wouldn't be able to move on and grow from our experiences.
One of our complex issues which I swept under a rug a long time ago was the absence of my daughter having a father. I mean she has my granddad my brother but these aren't the men that has made the type of impact on her life as would a positive father figure. For my relationships with the men in my life aren't as strong and my daughter has witnessed the constant tear in those relationships such as the instability. I didn't realize that her expressions of how she felt about her father were hidden behind the words of "I don't care, I don't think about it, etc..." As a young woman I can only imagine how you would feel growing up and not being accepted by the man who helped make you and to know of this would devastate any young girl. I can put myself in her shoes and feel the despair and I know that if she doesn't seek counseling for her pain, her anger, her disappointment she will live a life of having problems with every man she meets in her adult life.
For the last few years or so this was approaching, in the beginning I was blinded by it but now its clear and even though I can reassure her that she can talk to me, I can't hold promise that being the imperfect person I can sometimes be won't backfire on her coming to me about her problems and being able to respond to her the way she wants me too. My faults has been to have consumed all of my life activities around my daughter. Being to close where I couldn't step away. Living with my sister for as long as I did was another fault, one can't be a parent with others being involved that doesn't necessarily share in some of the same parenting beliefs that you do. Stopping my life as far as dating because of my own past and not allowing myself to date long term whereas she could have been raised in a "normal" family setting so she calls it. "We aren't normal" she says. The shock slaps me in my face. So this is it, this is why you are so angry, on top of you thinking I don't hear you, your older aunt likes your youngest aunt more than you. So these are just some of the bottled up feelings you have been carrying around with you, and I wonder for how long and then think does it matter? I just need to get to repairing this relationship. Relocating to a different city, state so no outside influence would be a factor was my first thought of choice, which I am working on at this very moment TRANSFER please! Who knows this may assist with all that has transpired- regardless I have to do whatever it takes. I am a parent, her mother so its my job.
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